Friday 27 July 2012

Sugary Heart !!

I keep looking forward…as there is no option to turn back and correct everything. Life is creating an illusion now and it is dominating me to consider that there are very faded chances of meeting the “me” I used to be yesterday again. It feels like a few days back from now, in the coffee shop, that we giggled and pinched each other while talking about the kind of people we would never be. Here I am, today, forcing me to go through the only way to keep up to myself, the only way to be approved by everyone about my sanity is by being what we both never wanted to be. It has been almost 1 year since the coffee shop laughter.
My early morning heading out to work was also an escape from the house. I do not need to lend my ears to listen to corrective improvement activities that anonymous human being should do in order to relief the social burden of having me as a part of the livelihood. Surprisingly, the pride of being able to stand up to my thought process shatters into pieces when these kind words are guided to follow into my ears. I made a smart escape for the day to the unloved workplace, much dearer to me for today. 
I docked my laptop and checked my emails. Nothing noticeable is overflowing my mailbox so far. I can treat myself to moderate my body caffeine. It is a gloomy day, cool breeze with little drizzles that visit and vanish from the face of the earth are like my tears. I enjoy it to the fullest. Am I nourishing my emotions to thrive and nurture in the warmth of my regrets. No, I cannot do that. That is an erroneous advance and definitely not what my rationality authorizes me to do. I am not here to transact with inconsequential issues and uncover solution to make up for all the fingers that point me. As the superior words flow, it is ok to formulate changes when circumstances obliges to and here I am crafting the inventory of amendments that I was never taught for all these years but now expected to be. This is a slumber feeling of loosing me. This is a soar pain of insecurity where I can see myself vanishing in the crowd of the cattle class. I am walking into the darkness of the night. My psyche drifts away again. I know how deep a swimming pool can be, I can see the refracted image from the surface. What if I knowingly, dive in, and fail to come out. What if I go far towards the bottom with the wish to touch the floor of the pool and find it difficult to breathe? What if my limbs give up fighting my way back? What if I manage to come out and find darkness all around me? What if I had stayed there too long inside the saline water and changed into a different person who the mirror too refuses to recognize.
I look into the creamy heart of my cappuccino that was served. It is beautiful and admirable till I dispense a pack of brown sugar and stir it up. That is what happens to a human heart as well. We are filled up with sugary love and finally stirred. I sip my coffee and brain storm while it drizzles and stops and comes back again. Water droplets hit my face and few make friend with the tears in my eyes. Paranoid thoughts coming back to me and I hate to think any further. I get up and prepare to leave.

Wednesday 25 July 2012

Jinx of Love !!

(Post conversation with a closest friend..............., I too spoke to myself!!)

Why do people suddenly get ready for marriage? Is it love, is it self decision to keep a  promise to be with each other, is it looking forward to togetherness or is it the fear of loneliness that intensifies after every body else got married.

I just came across two perfectly good people who finally got into a very imperfect situation called marriage and within a short period of time, started dragging it to an extent that they now finally await the judge’s approval to call it a TATA BYE BYE.


Love is never disrespectful, if it is, then it is not Love. We must think it over and over again. We all  deserve better life. One partner is not entitled to emotionally manipulate the other to do something they do not believe in.


Darn....................none of us get married for so called love they sing in the Bollywood flicks and the romance of the Mills and Boons series. Does love just pass us by nowadays or is it that it doesn’t exist at all. We all finally get married for all the wrong reasons.

Does anyone think about mere companionship of doing things together? Did anyone ask before marriage what is required, what will be combated and what can be worked out together? Does anyone decide of build a house with the complete effort of the 2 people whose dreams will be nurtured in it without advices and nosing of all the 3rd elements in their surrounding? 

It is never so, Hence, the other partner keeps on funding themselves in the rut and finally lives in a every second day situation which land the relationship into a phase too good to leave and too bad to stay.


Simplicity............!!



Simple accomplishments and thoughts revisit me as the foundation of being here and existing in your world. Life has more than just us to deal with and our things to make happen, it also consists of clutters, some unavoidable ones. Out of these clutters, we have to initiate and search for minimalism.
True elegance and sophistication lies within the unfussiness of mind. That is the keynote of wealth of goodness. This will build our strength and keep us going. When confronted by difficult moral choices, I follow my elegance and choose to do what is right instead of what is beneficial. As I keep up my best foot forward simplifying this life, solitude will not remain with me for long, weakness will not remain around me and complications will not hunger around me.

This will offer a life more loving, more trust worthy and more wishful. My wishes are patient enough to be endured and simple enough to be believed. I know how to face my needs that stand on my path like problems- will distinguish the necessary from the real and daring life of impulsive passion. I see the tragedy there and I have learned to let go. This letting go is about consciousness, is about throwing the light on the terrible truth that one so tries to keep aside.
Here we call us strong, where we need to be only aggressive; we act to be free, but we merely are licensed; we act to be compassionate, we need to be polite; we pretend to be good, but we are required to be well behaved. We have to adopt to live simply, beautifully and truthfully.
Why invite fatality in order to call ourselves brave, and bury ourselves like thieves from life?